I want one of my own

I really really want a baby boy. I know it's so weird but it's been a big desire of my heart lately. For a couple of years I always wanted a little girl- one of each, but a girl first. Now I crave a son. I went shopping last week for a friends baby shower, a girl. It was fun to shop for her but I kept looking at the little boys' clothes, longingly. Everytime I see a baby boy, my heart wants one of my own.

However, I think if I had a son right now, I would be too afraid to enjoy him for fear of losing him one day. That can't be healthy

Happy 19th.. from far away

Happy Birthday Brown!!! I miss you more than you can know. I guess up there you can have the biggest steak you've ever seen for your birthday dinner- it probably beats Texas Roadhouse anyways, eh?

So long Suckers

I quit my job today. It wasn't pretty- my supervisor denied everything and made everything out to be my fault. I felt stupid and worthless. I went home and talked to my dad and he made it all better. he said "good for you! you don't have to put up with any of that. you will go somewhere where you are appreciated and taken care of, and leave them to figure it out for themselves" He also told me to come home and he'll bring the booze :D

Who am I supposed to be?

I got a new job yesterday! When I went to put in my 2 weeks though, my boss said "Oh Kaylen! You're so good with the kids... give me a week or 2 to make it better!" Bleh...

The women supervising me have resorted to talking nasty about me behind my back. You have to love the maturity!



I've been so emotionally drained that it hurts. My heart hurts and my energy level lacks. I'm really behind in school. I have the drive to succeed and do a good job, but no drive to make it happen.



I'm still trying to convince myself that my brother is truly gone. And figure out what my life looks like now, without him. It's so much to process! I want to do good in his memory... but right now my heart is too broken to think of anything worthwhile.



Anyways.... that's me.... and God is good!



This is the memorial picture we put in the funeral programs:

In This Storm

This song was played at his funeral and it has been in my heart ever since- getting me through the dark times.

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth