I want one of my own

I really really want a baby boy. I know it's so weird but it's been a big desire of my heart lately. For a couple of years I always wanted a little girl- one of each, but a girl first. Now I crave a son. I went shopping last week for a friends baby shower, a girl. It was fun to shop for her but I kept looking at the little boys' clothes, longingly. Everytime I see a baby boy, my heart wants one of my own.

However, I think if I had a son right now, I would be too afraid to enjoy him for fear of losing him one day. That can't be healthy