you can't choose your family, so choose your friends wisely

So, my grandma is having surgery on friday morning for her neck. It's a 5 hour surgery to fuse her neck together. I'm scared to death for some reason.

In a lot of ways, though, this 2 weeks in the hospital has been so amazing for her. Before it happened, she was bitter, depressed, and slept all day (and never felt good). She's hyper-active by nature so her doctor had her on tranquilizers and God knows what else to calm her down. It was depressing her in the process. Just like ritalin for kids (don't get me started...). When you're in the hospital they don't let you take all your normal meds, so she hasn't been on all that crap for 2 weeks. It's amazing what a transformation that's been happening! She's upbeat, happy, hopeful, excited, looking forward to the future, and really hyper (i'm more than okay with that). Before, if you went to lunch with her, it was hard to get a positive thing out of her. Now she'll talk your ear off for an hour straight about all sorts of things. damn medication.

Here's the other part of it: It's come to our attention how inhumane their house is. We knew it was messy so we never went in. I'll spare you the details, because I might have nightmares and I don't want anyone else to unfairly get them too. I'll just let you in on the fact that their sewer doesn't work so they've been using a bucket (I dont want to know any more than that), and that's just the start of things.
My dad had a big plan to move them out of the house and into a little apartment (they already own it, it's a rental property). She needs home hospice care and they could recieve it that way (the house certainly wouldn't allow for that!!!). Well, my grandpa has turned into the bitter old man that's he's always been and refuses to move. He says he'll "clean up" and he'll take care of her. Yeah, right. The house needs more than a "cleaning" and he doesn't care enough to take care of her. He's part of the reason she was depressed.

Is it wrong to have ill-will towards your grandfather? I'm really struggling with it. I want to love him as my grandparent but at the same time I'm struggling with anger issues. really bad ones. I want to see my grandma stay happy, I want to keep this one- not revert back to the old one. Why does he want to keep her in that situation? Without the proper care that she needs? And he took all her hopes and excitement and dashed them. Berated her and dashed her, just like he always has. I really want to see her in assisted living. I know that my grandpa won't care for her, and assisted living is wonderful. That's what I really want for her- but he won't allow it. Oh, and he also says he'll fix the sewer in the next week. Yeah....... an 85 year old man, out in the 95 degree weather with no experience, fixing the sewer in 1 week. Okay.

Bah! I'm just so frustrated and upset and I want to do everything I can for her like she's done for me for 21 years, but what can I do?? My dad talked to my grandpa for several hours and got no where. He'll die if he continues to live there and be that unhealthy but I guess he doesn't see it that way, and doens't care that it isn't right for her to be there.

Anyways.... that's me.. take it or leave it. But either way, please pray.