Pink Daisies

April Thoughts

2008-04-09T20:57:00.003-06:00

I don't like the new black and white Starbucks... something about it rubs me the wrong way...

Recently (like within the past 2 weeks), the school I teach at and our 2 sister schools (same company- same franchise owner) were scored as the best schools in the entire system (it's a nation-wide company). The honor means everyone and their dog from corporate is going to come out and see how the "best schools" are run. It's an honor, but means my class has to be in top shape at all times for whoever from Georgia decides to show up! I'm not complaining... I'm actually really excited and honored to be a part of it!

As my graduation from college gets closer and closer I can't help but be so excited! With it, though, I've been thinking increasingly about what I can do now that isn't quite so self absorbed. Ideally I will have free time on my hands and I have been excited to find things that I've never been able to do before. My small group will be joining Habitat for Humanity. I've had a heart for them for awhile now and just haven't been able to commit to joining. Now I get to! It's my start and I can't wait to do many mroe things that I haven't been able to! Any suggestions?

2008-01-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

Last week one of my babies got hurt.... really hurt.

I've been thinking since then just how close I am to my kids- they really are like my own! When we were waiting for the ambulance, I just bawled. I sang to him through my tears but i was SO sad for him. After sitting in the hospital with his family, I found so much more how bonded I am to them. My kids are my heart and I love every minute of it!

Here's to his recovery, and less tears for his mom and I! And here's to loving my career!!

O Christmas Tree....

2008-01-16T20:20:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile... here are some new thoughts

Christmas was really hard for me- December saw many tears through what was supposed to be the Happiest time of the year. That's okay, because post-Christmas has brought me these laughs!

So... my husband really loves tinsel and unfortunetly so does our cat. Last year, she threw up all over our house but THIS year! She hasn't thrown up too much but her litter box is FULL of tinsel! At first I was appalled but now I think it's funny. I get to make fun of her and tell her "I told you so.." all the while cleaning poop interlaced with tinsel...

okay... maybe it's the litter dust getting to me?

snowshoeing

2007-12-09T18:10:00.001-07:00

This weekend, friends from Seattle came to visit us. We took them to the mountains figuring it would be the best place for them to experience Colorado. Was it ever!! There were 4 feet of snow waiting for us... the whole weekend we were just in awe of the beauty surrounding us. The first night we went on a walk/ hike in warm gear and tennis shoes. It was so fun! We were knee deep at best and at one point, chest deep. Sounds scary, but it was oh so fun. Even when I tried to pull Tony down with me and ended up with a face full of snow instead. The second day we went snowshoeing. Our experienced friends told us the shoes would keep our ankles above the snow. Not so true in 4 feet of powder! We were still calf deep. We hiked a mountain in them and it was probably the coolest thing I have ever done. Definetly the most beautiful thing I've ever done. I thought beaches were as pretty as it got, but I was shown different today.
Yay for the beauty we live amongst and for fun friends!!!

loss

2007-10-29T17:57:00.000-06:00

A close friend of mine who is a new mom just lost her husband in a car wreck. As I was reading the news, my stomach and heart couldn't hurt worse. That's my biggest fear with my own husband so I feel her pain to the upmost. Why does this happen? I know it's an age old question.... but it hurts, God! After I got that news, I found out another friend's sister who is also a new mom lost her fiance in Iraq. Are you kidding me??!?!

I thought of my own husband sleeping in the next room and how precious he is to me. I thought of my own loss that still runs fresh through my veins. Tears stream down my face to think of the hearts of these girls and what that must feel like. I know from experience that there is nothing I can do to help them but pray. Yet I wish with all my might that there was something. I also still fear being in their position someday. We can't be afraid to love for fear of loss, however. That seems like the easy road at times, though. My heart hurts for them.

2007-09-18T11:39:00.000-06:00

OK why is it that I am 22 years old and still have to wade through a pile of DRAMA to maintain friendships??? I'm so ready to go out and just find a batch of new friends. It seems like the people I have been closest to over the years are the ones that bring the most drama my way! Why is it so difficult?! Come on, we're adults and we have our own lives and own things going on- wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to cut the crap and end the drama??

Determined

2007-09-05T22:01:00.000-06:00

So, today I was on myspace and updating my 'mood' status. I was thinking about how I'm bogged down right now but as I was skimming the options, 'bogged down' didn't seem appropriate. Life is SO good... I may be putting in 50+ hours and have way too many things to do, but I'm HAPPY... I may be anxious and worried about how things will turn out, but I have so many things to rejoice in at the same time. I chose 'determined' instead and had a crazy realization moment where I realized just as I can choose my posted mood from a scrolly list, I can likewise 'choose' my mood today! I can be determined to make this work and be happy instead of dwelling on my situation and accepting 'bogged down' as my fate.

Why Is It?

2007-08-23T20:28:00.001-06:00

So, for the past couple of years I've really struggled with a lack of friendships in my life. I can count on one hand the amount of steady friends I've had in that time. I don't even need my whole hand, actually. It seems like when I hit rock bottom frustration with it, God brings a wave of great friends into my life. Then they go... just like they came. Since I've been married, I've struggled with wanting couples to be close friends with. It's been so hard and all of the sudden a couple of months ago, we were not only blessed with about 5 couples our age that promised friendship but I was also blessed with girls from work that I very quickly became close to. My job switch was the best decision I've ever made!
Now, all my friends are quitting the job (no joke- ALL of them) and will be gone after next week. The only glimmer of hope with Tony's job schedule change in Sept is that we might get 4 nights together (except for nights at school) instead of 1 that we get now. If we get that, he will work on our Bible study night. WHY am I blessed with friends to have them taken away a short time later?!?!?! They lose interest in me or move on to a different season in life. I know I can continue to be friends with the girls at work but it won't be the same, not at all. I can go to Bible study alone, but it's hard for me to relate to couples by myself- I feel like I'm a wife and can't really represent myself without him. That may be pathetic, but it's me.

All that to say.... I'm about to be lonely again and don't understand why!

July is here

2007-07-04T01:37:00.001-06:00

I have not had internet for quite some time, and then last week my computer broke too. Nothing like a kick in the pants, eh? However- in the past week I have:

Visited ALASKA for the first time, and loved it!
Visited CANADA for the first time (Vancouver)
Visited Seattle for the second time, and loved it just as much as the first

Fell in love with my job and the girls I work with
Discovered a new found love for the swimming pool and margheritas on 100 degree days!
Went on a huge scrapbook shopping spree... oh man was it fun!
Turned 22! Happy Birthday to me ;)

baby Grace!

2007-06-11T23:16:00.000-06:00

I got to witness a baby being born this weekend... it was so incredible. I sat in the waiting room with her parents and brother and his mom, in crazy anticipation. All the sudden his mom got a phone call "Mom, I'm a dad!!!" It was so emotional and amazing! The baby is incredible and already so loved! Dad is in awe and mom can't stop kissing her. It was such an honor to hold her. Yay for God creating life!!!

Beloved new photo coasters

2007-06-02T23:35:00.000-06:00

So, when I left my job, they gave me a Bed Bath and Beyond gift certificate. Today I went shopping! I got photo drink coasters... I've been wanting them since I first heard they existed! I came home and printed pictures right away... I love them!! Totally worth the wait and worth leaving my job for :D

the good, the bad, and the appaling

2007-05-25T19:44:00.000-06:00

The good Just got back from my latest trip- California and Texas for the first time! My sister in law graduated in California and then we moved her out to Texas. The whole trip was so nice. In Cali I got to spend lots of time with his family, plus Tony's best friend and his girlfriend (who had a major fight the whole night)

Tony, his dad, and his grandma all had to fly home from cali, but the rest of us trudged in 2 cars to TX. The badI t was supposed to take 19 hours, but the first day we drove 16 and the second we drove about 10. The first day, we left at 9 am and got to NM at 3:15 am. Not reccomended!!! I watched my sis in laws boyfriend just about swerve into the side of a semi. My heart still hurts thinking about it! It was one of those moments where you have to breathe deep and convince your heart to slow down again afterwards. Luckily, despite the drastic tiredness of our driving- we made it in one piece.

My first trip to texas was nice. They have a great apt and we spent the day at the San Antonio riverwalk, which is fabulous! Coming home, I beat some odds that were way against me! The flight I was supposed to take had 1 seat left and 6 non-revs listed (i'm a non rev) which means i probably wasn't going to get on it. I decided to try anyways, and Tony told me the one seat left had filled up so there were no more seats left and 6 of us competing for no seats! So, I sat there figuring I'd be calling them to pick me back up.... and then, suddenly, the agent called all non revs up to the counter and handed me and another girl boarding passes! It was incredible and I'm not sure how it happened, but I was overjoyed!! Then, on the flight, the couple I sat with bought me my first on-flight alcoholic drink. she said "we're going to have one, and I'll buy you one too!"

The appaling: Here's my appaling story- today at work, we had a girl with a temp of 103.5 Can you even imagine? That was taken under the arm so it could have very well been 104. If you are clueless about fevers, 104 means permanent damage! 103 flat is scary and sometimes means sezures (I've seen it happen), convulsions, or permanent brain damage in kids. So, when here fever was that bad, I got scared to death. At 11:00, we called all 6 of her parents' phone numbers, and got nothing. Finally at 1:00 her dad called back and said "well.. I have a meeting so I'll try to be there maybe by 4" What?!?!?Did you hear what I said? And then he showed at 5 and said "are you ready to go to the dr?" and then had the nerve to turn to me and say "she doesn't even feel hot" The girl was a freaking furnace! Holding her made me sweat!! Some people should NOT be allowed to have children. If I was the director, I would be filing negligence charges against them. It's not the first time either, that's the thing. I guess this winter they brought her 5 days in a row with a temp of 101 plus. And yesterday she had 102 and they didn't come pick her up. I can't believe someone can look at their 1 year old, as sick as she was, and not have a care in the world. Sick... that's what it is... sick.

Quote of the week:

2007-05-17T18:45:00.000-06:00

"I like when Daddy drops you off better than when mommy drops you off... daddy smells better than mommy" ~A girl I work with as she was changing a little boy... I laughed again, even as I was typing

Cali trip #1

2007-05-10T17:58:00.000-06:00

CALIFORNIA was absolutely fabulous. It was exactly what I needed. Sun, Friends, sis in law, and lots and lots of beach time. I even brought home a sunburn. We couldn't have asked for a better trip and i couldn't have needed it more!

I've also had this week off of work. I didn't realize I needed time off work so badly. It's been so nice to actually get things done during the day. Monday I start my new job with benefits, more hours, more pay and a step up job title! Here's to hoping it works out!!

Take this job and....

2007-05-04T23:05:00.000-06:00

Today was my last day at work! happy dance!!
I got a gift card to barnes and noble from one parent, and a card to bed bath and beyond (my favorite!) from the company. It was a good send off all in all, but God convinced me today that leaving was right. I had doubts but He took care of me today.

So, Tonight I was shopping in WalMart. They made the announcement: "Due to circumstances beyond our control, we need all customers to drop their purchases and exit the front doors" We went out the door and then they make us go into the parking lot and then we had to leave. Later I drove by and police had all the surrounding streets blocked off. I watched the news tonight and there was nothing!!! so weird!

Tomorrow we leave for 3 days in sunny california. I need a break badly and cannot wait to walk on the beach! yippee!

I want one of my own

2007-04-30T22:14:00.000-06:00

I really really want a baby boy. I know it's so weird but it's been a big desire of my heart lately. For a couple of years I always wanted a little girl- one of each, but a girl first. Now I crave a son. I went shopping last week for a friends baby shower, a girl. It was fun to shop for her but I kept looking at the little boys' clothes, longingly. Everytime I see a baby boy, my heart wants one of my own.

However, I think if I had a son right now, I would be too afraid to enjoy him for fear of losing him one day. That can't be healthy

Happy 19th.. from far away

2007-04-21T09:26:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Brown!!! I miss you more than you can know. I guess up there you can have the biggest steak you've ever seen for your birthday dinner- it probably beats Texas Roadhouse anyways, eh?

So long Suckers

2007-04-20T18:47:00.000-06:00

I quit my job today. It wasn't pretty- my supervisor denied everything and made everything out to be my fault. I felt stupid and worthless. I went home and talked to my dad and he made it all better. he said "good for you! you don't have to put up with any of that. you will go somewhere where you are appreciated and taken care of, and leave them to figure it out for themselves" He also told me to come home and he'll bring the booze :D

Who am I supposed to be?

2007-04-12T22:14:00.000-06:00

I got a new job yesterday! When I went to put in my 2 weeks though, my boss said "Oh Kaylen! You're so good with the kids... give me a week or 2 to make it better!" Bleh...

The women supervising me have resorted to talking nasty about me behind my back. You have to love the maturity!

I've been so emotionally drained that it hurts. My heart hurts and my energy level lacks. I'm really behind in school. I have the drive to succeed and do a good job, but no drive to make it happen.

I'm still trying to convince myself that my brother is truly gone. And figure out what my life looks like now, without him. It's so much to process! I want to do good in his memory... but right now my heart is too broken to think of anything worthwhile.

Anyways.... that's me.... and God is good!

This is the memorial picture we put in the funeral programs:

In This Storm

2007-04-02T22:14:00.000-06:00

This song was played at his funeral and it has been in my heart ever since- getting me through the dark times.

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I'm Not This Strong

2007-03-27T17:41:00.000-06:00

Hey all... just wanted to say that my brother was killed in a motorcycle accident last night. He was only 18
My heart hurts so bad..... please pray for my family and my parents especially- burying an 18 year old son is never in our plans.

I love Denver!

2007-03-25T13:01:00.000-06:00

I had an awful travel experience on Thursday. I'd love to go into details, but I don't want to relive it either. Basically I sat in the airport from 7:30 am to 10 pm (minus a couple of hours)- unable to to ANYWHERE. Not only could I not get where I wanted to go, but I couldn't go home either. It was the worst feeling ever. My fabulous Brinnie and Dave made it a little better, and I will forever be grateful!

Here's to better times that were had in Portland!!! (and Amy, next time I come, let's hang out!!)

I do love sunshine

2007-03-19T21:12:00.000-06:00

Today has been A DAY. Gosh...

I had to do something really crappy today. At the sake of protecting the kids in my care, I had to turn in a friend. Turn AGAINST a friend. It feels awful and I wish I could take it all back. I came home and cried and never want to go back. I think it's the worst feeling in the world..

I feel like everyone hates me today. Theres ^ that. Plus a friend that months previous I would've called a 'best friend' now discludes me from her life. Her baby-to-be is a girl and I had to find out through the grape vine (a few months ago, she would've called me the minute she found out), and she has also named the little girl and casually reffered to her by name in an email today. That's big news! I haven't seen her since early january and she seems unconcerned despite my constant attempts to make contact and catch up. I offered to throw her a baby shower and she says "I think I'm okay."

I feel so hated and scorned. Husband reminds me that when we uphold integrity, people won't like us. Christ said so lots and lots of years ago.

I'm not a fan of today

PS- I am feeling better.. finally! At the moment I've kicked every illness that came my way. Thank you for all the concern! That always makes me happy
And this weekend I go to Portland!!! yippee!!!!

2007-02-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

I never imagined my lungs being able to hurt THIS BAD! Bronchitis is the step above pnuemonia but from experiencing both- pnuemonia is 85x worse!
Went to the doctor today and had to have another xray- he thinks it might be spreading. cool.
If I'm not better friday morning, I get put in the hospital- can't wait!

I tried to go to work this morning (yeah, everyone on Earth has told me how stupid it was), and as I was reading a story a little boy came over and said "hi!!", gave me a hug, and patted my back. Now, he's 1 1/2 so he had no idea what it was or even that I was sick but it was the best part of my day.. made my whole heart smile :)

sick- again

2007-02-20T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been stricken with pneumonia. I also have to idea if I spelled it right.
Sunday night my fever reached 103.5 so I called my mother-in-law to take me to the hospital (I was all alone and my mom lives 2 hours away). When we got to the emergency room, I walked in with Tony's 91 year old grandma but they knew right away that I was the patient, if that alludes you at all to the way I looked. Normally in an ER, you fill out the paper work and wait in a waiting room and maybe an hour later they will call you in. Not this time! They took my vitals while I was filling out the paperwork and whisked me right back to a room. I layed down and they immediately hooked me up to an IV and gave me lots of motrin. They also hooked me up to a heart monitor. I guess a 103 fever is nothing to mess with! They said my heart rate was way too high so I had an EKG, and then like an hour later had a chest x-ray. I asked for my mom-in-law to come back with me twice and she never came. Finally a boy came in just to see what he could get me so I asked for her again and he accomplished it. It was SO scary and lonely being there by myself! It got better though when I finally had company. After the chest x-ray they came back and told me I had pnemonia. They waited a long time for my heart rate to go down and it never did so around 1 am the doctor decided to do a cat scan to see if something was going on. At 1:30 I went in for that and when I came back my husband was finally there- that made me smile. At 2 the nurse came in and said that she was going to get the results and she would be right back. Tony fell asleep in the chair, but the only thing he missed was me getting a 3rd bag of fluid hooked up. They also gave me apple juice to drink but I threw it up :P. At 4, Tony got a little angry that we hadn't seen anyone for 2 hours so he went to the front desk to ask what was going on. The lady said she would talk to my doctor. Then at 4:30 a completely new lady came in and handed me my perscription and unhooked everything. I asked her about the results and she said "oh, your doctor didn't talk to you?" NO! he didn't! She explained my meds and gave me some cough syrup and told me where the exit was. So that was that- we left without hearing anything at all from my doctor or nurse! I came home and took 2 doses of cough syrup with codein (a couple hours apart) and only slept about 4 hours. Most worthless cough syrup I've ever had! The rest of the day yesterday I spent either sleeping or miserable and in tears. I honestly felt like I belonged in the hospital, hopped up on drugs. This is definetly the sickest I've ever been and it's really really crappy. Coughing has given my stomach muscles the worst work out and everytime I do it hurst my head more so by the time a few hours have passed, I have a splitting headache. It's awful and I don't wish it on anyone!!!

Don't waste your life...

2007-02-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

The hope of a new job looms ahead of me. I have been presented with a nanny opportunity- 2 kids and $5 more an hour than I make now. That means 15 less kids and $5 more/ hour
I should find out in the next couple of weeks! I really really want it- the kids are wonderful

My frustrating news is that another lung infection has settled in. I was all over everything and then yesterday my chest started feeling like someone was sitting on it. It hurts worse this time than last. WHY?! WHY?! Bah.

The story of Kaylen and her husband visiting Florida is to come...

Today is Monday...

2007-02-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

The strangest thing happened today: I actually had a good day at work. I didn't come close to a mental breakdown even once, and didn't have to leave the room at all! I didn't know it was ever possible, but it happened. Thank God (I mean that literally) for that!

This past week we thought I was pregnant. Unfortunetly the test was negative. It's so dissapointing when you start to think of the joyous possibility and then it isn't true.

At the other end of the week I travel to another place. My supervisor says I probably can't have the day off, but since this is only the second day off I've wanted in 4 months- I may be calling in sick.

the days of our lives

2007-01-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've come to discover that I have bronchitis.. again

Last night I dutifully took my cough syrup and went to bed. My husband got home around 2 and woke me up. I was almost back to sleep again when I found myself in the biggest coughing fit ever. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I finally got enough breath to get out of bed and take more cough syrup. In time it overcame me and put me back to sleep. This morning I woke up super dizzy and so lightheaded! My head felt high and funny all morning
That leads us to the #1 question: Which is better? The innability to breathe, or OD'ing on cough syrup???

All In a Day's Work

2007-01-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Back to school back to school

2007-01-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

I feel so smart and empowered when I'm in class. I LOVE learning something I'm interested in and passionate about. I soak it all in and crave more. I'm loving school so much more than working full time. I was thinking today in class how relaxing and refreshing it is. It's also really nice to fellowship with a room full of adults!
For one of my classes this semester, I have to do a case-study and full write up on a child and their development. I can't wait!! I already know which little girl I want to do, I just have to get the parent permission. It seems like such a big project but I can't wait to get started. I've turned into such a nerd :-/

2007-01-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

I was in a wreck,
then I was in a wedding.
This week I will be in school again

and i miss when life was normal! :)

Everything's Bigger in Vegas

2007-01-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

It's been so long, again, since I've had an internet connection!

We went to Vegas on New Year's and stayed for 1 1/2 days. So fun!! It was our first vacation being a married couple since our honeymoon. Twas wonderful

I've been having a couple of issues at work. One involved a mother filing charges against me for something I didn't do. My name was finally cleared and I walk away with a lecture from a police officer. Basically, she blamed me for breaking his leg and nothing happened in my care that would warrant a broken leg. It turns out he sustained a "toddler fracture" which happens randomly to toddlers, no rough play has to even be involved. Their growing bones are weak and it just happens. It's been sad, scary, disheartening, and has kept me up worrying a couple of nights. The really great part has been that my director has been on my side through the whole ordeal. She hasn't once doubted me and has told me several times that she'll back me to the end. Amazing, eh?
Anyways... that's over and I don't really want to talk about it anymore :-P

In other news- 2 of my close friends got engaged this past couple of weeks. So exciting!! And one of my best friends is getting married Sunday. I enter that wedding with mixed feelings, but choose to be excited for her.

My sister-in-law finally gets to come on monday! She couldn't get here for christmas because of the blizzard and the airport shutting down. So she'll be here monday, yay!

We got it Bing, and then some

2006-12-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

Here it is... blizzard #2!
BLEH
I didn't want it- I told it to stay away. It didn't listen. We still had several inches on the ground from the last storm, and my street never did get plowed. Now there's new stuff on top of it

My husband went to work today, which means he's stuck there for the night. I hate it! This much snow is so scary and I really want it to go away :(

Here's to happier times!

I'm back!

2006-12-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world!!!! It has been oh so long since I've had an internet connection!

This week, 2 1/2 feet of snow buriedd my town and left it innoperable for 2 days.
I have never seen this much snow in my life! We had a blizzard about 10 years ago but it was nothing like this. Everywhere I go, I'm just in awe of how much snow is around. Especially now that they've plowed parking lots and there are mounds of snow 6 or 7 feet high! Tony's car was entirely buried and he had to spend almost an hour digging it out with the snow shovel. Whenever I drive somewhere, I feel like I'm off-roading because I have to drive through so much snow (probably 5 inches, after plowing). Sometimes a lane will just end because there is so much snow in the road. Our airport was closed for 2 1/2 days. I'm sure you've heard all of it on the news. It's so sad for so many people. My husband works there if you remember.... he had 2 days off but then yesterday ended up working 13 1/2 hours!! That's how crazy and busy it is there now. The sad news for my family is that my sister-in-law didn't make it here. She was supposed to fly in early thursday morning- since it was closed all thurs that obviously didn't happen. Since there are so many people that missed flights, they told her the earliest they can get her here is monday at best. Her and her mom are so dissapointed and I don't blame them! Her mom has been pretty down. I'm going shopping with her today so hopefully that will help, but it's still pretty sad.

In other news- we got a cat!! It was a christmas present from his parents. He wanted her but I had no idea he even wanted on, let alone that we were getting one (funny how that never came up). He said he wanted to surprise me. I came home from work and there was a cat here! I was a little iffy on it at first, but she's grown on me so much. She's the best cat I've ever met- so friendly and loving. She looks like a cow- white with big black spots. Her name was Bessie (like bessie the cow) but we re-named her Mallow (like marshmallow, but pronounced like Melo- the basketball player ;) )

I can't WAIT for christmas! Yay christmas!!!!

2006-12-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

School is over... but ironically, now is when busy starts. I'll be working full time now which (other than the paychecks), I'm not thrilled about. Oh well

Christmas is coming so fast! I'm kind of sad that it will be over so soon. Christmas this year is not what it has ever been for me in the past. I'm missing all the events back home that make the Christmas season for me. I won't even be home on Christmas day. The waking up- going downstairs and emptying stockings, eating sticky buns for breakfast, lounging around in our pj's opening presents and then going to grandma's... none of it will happen this year. Christmas is at my in-laws. I love my in-laws and I love that they get along with my family. It's hard though because their traditions are different so it will just be....... different. Also, my parents told me yesterday that they just want to have breakfast and then leave. Why would they do that?? So Christmas will be so different and missing for me this year, plus my parents won't be here. I know it's part of being married and traditions change with a new family.. it's just left me a little sad. I want to be little again, living at home! But then I see my husband and hear his voice and remember that I love where I'm at

Brrr

2006-12-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Even though a knockout knee length dress and heels sounds good and looks good, it will not WILL NOT feel good in 15 degree weather!!!!!! Resist the urge!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2006-11-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

I love LOVE Christmas time! The music, the decorations, the snow, all the beautiful lights! I love going to dinner and having all the trees around me sparkle with white lights and having the chill of the air on me. We had an amazing snow storm the last couple of days. Temps were only in the teens yesterday and we have probably 5 inches outside our apartment. Freezing, but beautiful.

We decorated our apartment this week. It's so nice! For being our first Christmas, I thought it would be sparse, but we actually have a really good collection of decorations. Our tree is gorgeous and it was a great experience to have our 2 sets of ornaments put together on one tree.
He had a cute plastic snowman tablecloth and I arranged a pretty centerpiece for $2.50! It looks great and I feel so economical. Today we buy our first stockings to hang over the fireplace!
Oh, and my mom bought us a 'first christmas together 2006' ornament. We love it!

Yay for Christmas!!!!

Mystery box discovered!

2006-11-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

I've been missing all sorts of things lately. Like, I'll suddenly remember something I used to have, and realize it's been awhile since I've seen it and since I've reorganized all the closets and things around here, I know it's not in my house. Everytime I go to my parents, I turn their house upside down trying to find those things. Well yesterday I dug through our storage shed and found a mystery box! It was FULL of my stuff and I've never even seen it before! When we first moved in, Tony and my dad loaded up the shed with things and either they got tired of asking me if I've gone through a certain box or not, or they just stopped paying attention and loaded everything in sight! My mom remembers filling up that box and bringing it to me but I never saw it. It went straight into the shed crying out for me day after day and I never knew.

I went through it yesterday and it was like Christmas! So many fun things that I haven't seen in 3 months! Like my mom said: good thing there wasn't any food in there! :)

happy turkey day!

2006-11-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving all!! We're off as soon as Tony gets home and we eat... I get to spend the day with both of my families! Marriage is tremendous when your families get along. There's the start of what I'm thankful for this year!

today I am tired

2006-11-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your advice, Brit. I spent the whole 45 minute drive calming myself down and getting to a place where I could be excited and welcoming. It was wonderful to see him. He was his classes' valedictorian and he got the integrity award (by class vote). I don't think you fully miss someone until they're home again.
Oh, and I think I will indeed lock Ethan in the closet until he's grateful, next time!! (and note to self- never let brit babysit....) that comment made me laugh really hard.

Friday?

2006-11-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

Ugh. What a day! The day has come that I dislike small children. It's partly my fault for being so cranky today, but mostly their fault for being such pains today. I dont think a single one of them woke up this morning remembering how to listen. It also doesn't help that there are so many of them. Furthermore- they decided to give us a 'planning time' right at the start of lunch and send in subs. Ok, right, so these subs have to try and feed all these children that they don't know and put them to bed for their nap. They're all going crazy and half of them will freak out because of all the new people, and you expect these subs to successfully complete this task? Well... it didn't work. We came back to even more chaos then we left. It's also a bad day because the kid who cries for milk at least 3 times a day, his mom brought him a yellow sippy cup instead of a blue one today and so he just throws it on the floor and cries some more. That means that he has had no milk to drink so far today and when he wakes up from his nap, he will cry even harder. Yippee!
When will it end? Oh yeah... in 3 hours. 3 long hours. and then I pick up husband!! I fear that my mood is in no shape to pick up husband tonight. Pray it will somehow get better!

His faithfulness is new every morning

2006-11-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up outrageously early to be at work at an ungodly time of the morning. The funny thing is, I showered, dressed, made coffee, and it was still like 30 minutes until I had to leave. How does that happen??
I felt very close to God this morning. I read about Ruth again and just felt so close to Him.

I've been thinking lately just how faithful He's been to us in our 3 months. We've been down to almost nothing in our account twice now, but yet we've never run out. We've been paying all bills like normal and have never gone without. It's little things here and there that have been sustaining us. I freaked out one day on God and cried out to Him why it was we had to wait so long for a job and a paycheck, but in hindsight- we were taken care of every single step of the way. We would get like a rebate check in the mail or something and be able to buy some groceries- things like that. Nothing major, but yet it has worked out every time.
All of the sudden we're receiving so many blessings! I have an amazing job that I love and I just received a promotion and a raise!! In a couple of weeks, I will take up many more hours, with a better job description, and more pay!!! Now, by an incredible turn of events- Tony's part time wonderful job just turned full time! We figured it would be a year or longer before he would get this opportunity and his first week it was offered to him! There were 3 people in line to get it above him and they all turned it down. Also, his first paycheck of our married life finally came and it was much more than we ever expected. Life is good.

Good Starbucks

2006-11-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

This morning I sat in Starbucks, a little shaken after one of the worst nights of my life followed by an almost equally horrific morning. In my hand, I held the best Starbucks drink I have ever tasted! They regain my favor- 10 fold!! Extra points for it being after such a bad time.

These are the days

2006-11-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

The people downstairs are playing music so loud that it's way too loud in here.. and there is a floor seperating me and the stereo.

An influential man in my old area has been accused of heart-breaking things. I don't know the truth, and I would like to think I know the truth but I bet I don't. It won't shatter my life, but it will shatter the lives of many if it is proven. 14,000+ to be exact. It's all so hard to digest and I haven't gotten there yet.

In other news: I pick up my husband in 1.5 hours!!!!! I can't wait to see him and have him home again. We're going to my parents' this weekend. Pray for my visit with my grandma- it could be a difficult and draining one (but I still can't wait to see her)

This is what Halloween looks like! :)

2006-11-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!

2006-10-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

Weekend with husband home= fun pumkin carving!

Bad Starbucks

2006-10-25T07:56:00.000-06:00

So, I woke up at my normal time this morning, to be at work at 8. Then I talked to the toddler director and found out I don't go in till 9 today. That meant there was an hour and a half until I had to leave. I thought it would be the perfect day to use my gift card and treat myself to Starbucks. I got a caramel mocha, my favorite. It tastes like dirt!! I'm so dissapointed. I don't know what happened or what they forgot, but it's awful :(

Can I have him back?

2006-10-22T16:22:00.000-06:00

My baby is gone... for 2 weeks. I wasn't worried about it until I dropped him off at the airport today. It's hard when you enjoy someone so much and have him every minute and then all the sudden you have to be all alone. We'll see how Kaylen survives living alone in the big city for 2 weeks :-/
Wish me luck!

Our New Life

2006-10-18T19:38:00.000-06:00

I'm super behind in pictures. Here is our new life so far! Enjoy!

Our drive up to the mountains to play in snow!
Homemade pizza night. Yummy!Fall leavesOur fire place gets some action First snow! Yesterday... beautiful!

2006-10-16T22:09:00.000-06:00

I've been really bad at being faithful lately.....

We've been presented with an amazingopportunity! We just applied so pray for it! We really want to do it. If we get it, it will be incredible how God worked everything out (our stresses easing into this opportunity)

must run, our first married fire (in the fire place!) is about to take place :)

2006-10-12T19:54:00.000-06:00

I've developed an new relationship... relaced an old friend. This one isn't comfy but soon I will grow to love it, too. I got a new computer! Here's to new beginnings. It's beautiful and fast and new. I'm blessed to have it.

I started work yesterday... love it!

I keep hitting some combo of buttons (really, I've done it like 5 times just in this post) and whatever it is, it deletes everything I just wrote. any ideas? something on the right hand- enter/shift something like that.

oh, and I've heard a couple of times that my background isn't doing it, so although it's my favorite picture in the world, i'll soon be changing it. (thank you for the honesty)

R.I.P.

2006-10-09T14:38:00.000-06:00

My computer is a gonner. We had 3 1/2 wonderful years together. My mom called me yesterday and told me it was pronounced dead. Such a sad day! A rightful funeral is in order, I say.
Soon I will be replacing him... very soon, I hope.

In other news, what would you do about being a bridesmaid in a wedding that you've come to realize you hardly support? Well... you support it, but you don't agree with the timing or anything else that's going on (as a sister in Christ, not as an angry friend)
Keep in mind, you've already bought the dress

Tonight's the night

2006-10-05T18:20:00.000-06:00

Our computer is down. It has been so frustrating to do my online classes at the library. One computer has word proccessor and the other has internet. You have to go back and forth between the two trying to get things done. I have to look up the assignment, get the information for it, and then switch computers and try to remember exactly what it is I have to do. Then I have to do the work, save it to a disk and go back to the other computer and send it. Then start all over again with the next assignment. You have to check in and out each time you switch computers and you're only allowed 3 hours a day. It's such a pain! I will never again regret having both word processor and internet in one computer!!

Today was spent doing homework... really, the whole day. I'm starting to come out of my fog though. At least I think so. I really enjoyed the fall day today. More than I have all season. It's amazing here- there are trees galore and therefore the ground is COVERED in leaves- bright yellow leaves all over the place. It's gorgeous.

Tony has 2 interviews tomorrow. 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Pray for it. I got a job!! Yippee! As soon as my background check clears, I can finally start earning money again. Praise God!

This weekend is jammed pack with plans, and I can't wait!

Reflections

2006-10-03T16:13:00.000-06:00

As I watch yet more coverage of school shootings, I'm sickened and enraged.
My entire being is so sad for what is happening. Sad that young girls were shot in the head and arm- girls between 6 and 13! I work with little girls and the mere thought makes me want to be sick and so sad through to my core.

We're told that both men were acting out on things that happened to them. One guy was abused as a kid and was acting out by molesting high school girls. I'm sorry... that's not good enough for me. The other one lost his daughter and therefore took that out on other people's daughters. I'm sorry... there are other ways. He molested youngsters when he was 12, and wanted to do it again. There are way too many things wrong with that to even begin.
Again, sickened and saddened to my core.

I'm saddened that men are so disturbed inside and can't bring it to their wives to work out together, saddened that they need to take this out on children- mere children!

The part of me that's so angry I want to puke is that they are cowards- absolute cowards.
They aren't men enough to own up to their actions and have to end their lives before they have to stand up for themselves. I'm sickened that our country raised men like that.

Even inside of me, I'm sad for the men. Sad that things like that happened when they were young and there was no other way for them to deal with it.

I think working with children makes this so hard for me. Not only the death and torture of kids (even high school girls), but the fact that 2 men (and others!) had things like that happen to them.

It's a sick, sad world and I feel myself being so sad the last few days, feeling way too much empathy.

There's a beautiful baby girl next to me right now... I don't know her, but she's precious. Are we going to start raising the next generation better? Or will it continue to get worse?
I think we all know the answer to that question... and it's sick

2006-09-27T19:04:00.000-06:00

There's been another high school shooting in our town today. (Remember the Columbine High school shooting of 99?)
Completely different than the last though.... An adult man was the shooter- one girl was shot and died :(

He had her hostage for 4 hours and then shot her and himself. So sad!
I've been sick to my stomach all day, watching the coverage.

She died 30 minutes after being shot, but they didn't report that until 2 1/2 hours had past.

Why does this happen? High schoolers! So sad....

it's a beautiful ride

2006-09-26T18:27:00.000-06:00

I'm still alive.. I promise

Life is stressful right now. Tony has been waiting almost 2 weeks to hear from the job he interviewed for. In the meantime, I have 2 jobs that I'm waiting to agree to because I want to know his schedule first. Frustrating!

We drove up to the mountains this weekend to see the snow! Yay!! Snow! It was really fun... 4 inches of snow at our disposal to play in. And play, we did. We threw snowballs and made snow angels. Our first married snow! Pictures to come, soon......

I'm in a friends wedding in January and I finally got to hang out with her this weekend. For the first time since she got engaged. It was so refreshing! I forget how much I miss girls until I get some time with one. I miss having friends within reach!

hair cut!

2006-09-19T20:16:00.000-06:00

I cut all my hair off this weekend! Ok, not all of it- but a good chunk. I LOVE it!!!! Everytime I see myself it makes me happy... it looks good wet, dry, gel, and no gel. It's easy and I absolutely love it!!!

Here's a before picture:

And a now picture!:

Yay for changes! :)

Yay for interviews!

2006-09-14T16:35:00.000-06:00

We both have job interviews!! Yay!!!!
Mine is tomorrow, his is monday.

This place is the first application I've filled out. I did it yesterday afternoon and got a call this morning! Yay!!!
It's the same job I had in my old town (at least I'm hoping so)

1 month of marriage

2006-09-12T09:48:00.000-06:00

Today is our 1 month Anniversary! 1 month ago today... we were getting our hair done :)

We got an Olive Garden gift card as a wedding present so tonight we're going to use it for Never Ending Pasta Bowl!!!!! Yippee!!!

summery glow

2006-09-06T10:43:00.000-06:00

I haven't had anything to blog about lately. But here's a funny story...
I bought a new razor right before I got married and it came with a trial size lotion that was supposed to give you a "summery glow". Well I was looking for lotion a couple days ago and found that and decided to give it a try. The whole rest of the day my hands smelled like when you use that orangey instant tanner stuff, and I had no idea why. The next morning I was getting dressed and my legs were covered in blotchy brown spots! I've finally figured it out... The lotion I used says on the back that it contains self tanner. Ah-ha! The way it gives you a summer glow is by turning your skin a strange brown hue!!! I have to say I'm impressed though.. it's a whole lot more brown than any other tanner I've seen women use. Unfortunetly I got a visual in how bad I am at spreading lotion evenly and for the next couple of days I have an ugly blotchy "summery glow". woohoo.

2006-08-31T15:21:00.000-06:00

But what I DO reccomend is marrying a boy that can cook!!

Huge lack of comments lately :(

2006-08-30T18:21:00.000-06:00

Spent all day today cleaning up the bedroom (putting away all of the boxes)

I did so much and it looks great! It's ready for the bed now! My husband told me he wouldn't set up our bed until I took care of all of that. We've been sleeping on the mattress on the floor for the past 2 1/2 weeks.

Now that that's done, I can keep working on the livingroom...... I don't reccomend moving!

starting fresh

2006-08-25T00:29:00.000-06:00

Married life is an adjustment.... but I reccomend it to all!

We went shopping yesterday to take back double gifts and use our gift cards. We had some-what of a plan before we walked in the store of what we needed to get. At the first store, we had $230 to spend. It sounds like so much and we were sure we'd have some left over for another day. We got a few things that weren't received from our registry and a couple of other things we needed. The total came to $224! He grabbed the massager I've been dying to have and made our total $234. That means we got a ton of things and only spent $4. Great day! Then, we went to the second store and he was stressing out because we needed a ton of groceries (new apt!) plus all of the things off of our registry that we still needed (needed, not wanted!). Well, we stocked our bathroom and then did groceries. We didn't total it up as we went (except for the bathroom stuff), we just got what we needed. We also didn't know how much our gift cards were worth, but we were thinking somewhere around $150.
The total at the register was $230 and I could see a stroke brewing in him. He handed her the cards and she started scanning. The total got down to $10!!!! We got so many things yesterday (more than I can even remember) all for $14!!!! We're so blessed! Plus I've gotten a package from my parents 2 days in a row containing 3 things off our registry that we didn't get. (Including the Kiss the Cook apron! woohoo!)
What a great day... God is good!

I've been working on my honeymoon album. We have over 350 pictures (we took around 450). I've been doing it for 3 days and feel like I'm getting no where. I'm probably only 1/3 done. It will be good when I'm done though. The only problem is that I'm going to run out of pages soon. Darn it!

Had my first 4 hours of lab experience time in the childrens center on campus. Worked with the age that I'm not crazy about, but I think I impressed them today.

I'm baaack! and I'm married!!!!

2006-08-21T11:21:00.000-06:00

IIII'm home!

The wedding was incredible. Having all of our friends and family from both sides here at the same time was amazing. I wish we could get them all here more often. The day was perfect. I didn't eat or sleep for like 3 or 4 days, so I wigged out after the ceremony, and got really cranky. Other than that though, it was just incredible. The ceremony was everything I've always pictured and imagined. Seeing him at the other end of the aisle and walking towards him was just as I pictured it. I had the biggest smile of my whole life, the whole ceremony. We went to Wendy's pre-reception and ate the best meal of my whole life. Having food in me was so good. Those should make for some pretty good pictures! The reception was the most fun night of my entire life. It was everything I could've hoped for. He and I had so much fun that it isn't even funny. Even when no one else would dance, we were out there unaware of anything but each other. So fun! Oh, and I coated his entire face in cake ;)
At the end of the day, my dress was muddy, a little torn, full of cake, and my bustle was destroyed. I figured the messier the dress, the more fun I had!!

My bridesmaids were just out of this world. They tended to my every need for 3 days. Emotional, physical, technical. I highly reccomend them :)
They ran around like crazy trying to get things done for me- they packed for me, tended to me when I was cranky, sacrificed their butts off for me. Brit and Dave even cleaned my car for me! Inside and outside, it looks amazing! They decorated it up for us after the reception. The windows were all painted, my overnight bag was in the back, and rose petals everywhere. Plus balloons on top and huge cans in the back. People honked at us and waved to us the whole way to the hotel. I just can't describe how incredible they all were and how immensly blessed I was to have them. And just having them around me was the best. My best friends there with me on my day was wonderful. I looked at them and smiled my giddy smile during the ceremony and their eyes told me they knew exactly what I was feeling. I love them and I love God for providing them!

Honeymoon was relaxing and wonderful. 6 days on the beach... perfect. The people of honolulu are the rudest people I've ever met, so that was a little frustrating, but overall it was wonderful.

Goin to the chapel....

2006-08-11T08:13:00.000-06:00

Well, this is it! I'm getting married tomorrow!!!!!!!!
It's still so weird.
I'm really confident in him and am assured of God's blessing on our plans. I'm not so confidant in my abilities as a wife. I think that I may make a terrible wife! I'll learn as I go, though.

Got to spend the day yesterday with Brittanie. What an amazing and therapuetic thing to do! We got mani's and pedi's. It ended up just being us there. It was a really small salon, so it was just the girl doing it and the 2 of us. The girl is an old friend of mine. It was so relaxing to hang out there for 4 hours with her and just talk and relax and be comfy girls. I forget how much I miss her until I have her again. God is so faithful in making us friends. We're on the same level and really need each other and it's just so crazy how we've gotten to this point together. Also, selfishly, it's really great to have a friend a year ahead of me that can explain things to me and pass on all of that wisdom!

Bachelorette party was last night. So much drama surrounding it. It ended up great in the end though. I had a very small group of my super supportive great friends (versus the fringe friends). We decided to hit a couple of bars in my "bride to be" beauty queen like outfit. I told them I wouldn't stay long, but it would be fun to go. We get to one and my maid of honors brother in law orders a round of shots. I really didn't want one, but was told I had to choice. And then we walked to 3 or 4 more bars wtih the same story. At one, they handed me a tumbler size cup of something green. It was good stuff though. A lot of the bars tenders or waitors said "this one is free for the bride.. drink up!" so I got a lot of them free.
We ended at a cool club in town that I had never been to before. It was more like a really big, casual, fun bar than a club. Open mike night-- we sang "Goin to the chapel". I'm sure it sounded worse than howling wolves, but it was fun and that's all that matters! In the end, I drank way too much but had SO much fun! (And at least it's legal now for me to drink my heart out ;) )

So...now I'm off... to be married!!!!!! After my last story, I'm going to try to say this and have it not sound hypacritical. I really hope and pray that people come away from our wedding feeling Christ. Walk away from the church unable to shake that all-encompassing feeling of Christ and our relationship. I want them to see him and understand the parallel of Him and marriage, and to say that our marriage does nothing but reflect Him. If that happens for just one person, we'll have been successful.

And I'll leave you with this: EEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Holding hands with small fingers

2006-08-02T21:50:00.000-06:00

Life is pretty grand right now. I finally decided about a week or 2 ago that I was done being stressed and unhappy and that I need to enjoy the moment. I was right, and it's so refreshing! I've been on cloud 9 ever since. I finish my job on friday. It's bittersweet- like always. I will miss my kids SO MUCH! I've only known them 2 months, but I guess that's all it takes. I've been raising them for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, so really it makes sense. One of my favorite kids- the sweetest, cutest, most fun little boy I've ever met (approprietly named Tony), today was the last day we get to hang out. He doesn't come on thursdays or fridays. So sad!

My dress still isn't finished. I went yesterday for the "final fitting" and it was still too big. I told the girl it was too big of a size in the first place!! I'm even more in love with it now that it fits (mostly). It looks AMAZING on and I'm so excited to wear it!!! I couldn't stop looking in the mirror... it's incredible.

We had some drama this week regarding the groom and his brother and almost kickng him out of the wedding. I was all for it, but it isn't going to happen. (I'm still all for it)

My shower was on sunday, and it was SO fun! I got the most incredible rehearsal bouquet out of it. It looks more like a pillow... pretty incredible.

My parents keep talking about "next week", and I find myself questioning what's happening next week. Am I really getting married "next week"??? This is really happening? It honestly doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem like it will happen next week. It seems like it will be 3 or 4 more months from now. It's so surreal and unreal!

honeymoon, here i come

2006-07-23T00:10:00.000-06:00

WE'RE GOING TO FREAKING WAIKIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I figured it out 2 days early and I'm sooo excited!!!!!! I just wish he was here for me to jump into his arms.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love pictures

2006-07-19T22:07:00.000-06:00

In the midst of a crazy life,
this picture makes me giggle and this picture makes me smile

someday

2006-07-19T19:59:00.000-06:00

Our Smug has been updated! (finally, eh?)

It's a process since his computer is so slow, but see what's there and keep checking back!

"A"

2006-07-18T21:49:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it's only 3 weeks away? I can't. Soon the stress will all be over. I need to step back and enjoy it but there are so many things going on right now that I can't seem to do that. Today it hit me how many of our friends are about to come visit us- all at once! In just one weeks time, we have friends coming in from Missouri, California, Seattle, and Portland. Not to mention all the friends from here that we get to see. It's crazy and so exciting, all at the same time. 3 weeks sounds so short but to me it still feels like it's in the far off distance.

For the next 7 days, Tony is going to e-mail me one letter a day. At the end, I have to unscramble them to reveal my honeymoon location. What fun!!! Today's letter is "A". The possibilities are endless!!

Oi Vey

2006-07-14T22:33:00.000-06:00

I'm so stressed out. I've been home for less than a week and I'm already back to being overly stressed. Tonight I was tempted to call 98 people and tell them the wedding's off. Instead, I'm taking our immediate family's and flying them to Hawaii for a FUN trip. Fun! What a concept!
The RSVP due date is tomorrow and 110 out of 160 cards are still missing. How do I plan things with that?! How do I know if I'll have 98 or 250 people? And my aunt called today and said she might be going to Sturgis but if not she'll be there. What the hell? This is my freaking family! Who have known about my wedding for 8 months now! AGH. I'm ready to quit. I just want a simple ceremony with the 7 people in our families and to walk away with a husband. That's all I want.

My other grandma (meaning not the one with a broken neck) has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been so crazy that I dont even know all the details, but she's having surgery on Monday. She's always been so strong, and such an amazing woman. Certainly a hero of mine. I think I haven't been involved yet because I know how hard it will be when I let it hit me.

God, give me strength.

Seattle, Portland, Cali, and back again!

2006-07-05T14:46:00.000-06:00

My trip was wonderful! A much, much needed break away from everything. I was so engrossed in everything that's going on at home that my trip was just a second thought and I was lucky I even remembered to pack and go; I was so blessed to be able to go, though. For 4 days I forgot about everything here and didn't have any obligations. It was a dream.

We started in Seattle:

saw the world famous fish mart, but it was closed!!! We were so sad.. the only thing people could figure is that it was the holiday weekend so everyone was gone. I think they should've been there, just for us!:

Went to the Beautiful wedding of Tony's good friend:

For my birthday dinner, we went to a WONDERFUL seafood restaurant downtown. We mentioned that it was my brithday, so they gave me the dessert of my choice for free. We picked Baily's irish cream cheesecake (oh. my. gosh. yum!). It came on a square plate with "Happy 21" written on it in chocolate. So cool!

After the wedding, we drove along the coast to Portland. It should've been a 3 hour drive, but it took us about 9 hours instead. So worth it! I'm really glad we did it.

I got to spend my 21st birthday with these 2 crazy kids :)

We toured Portland, hung out, and got to see Multnomah falls (which is amazing). Brit woke me up with a cupcake/ choclately creation for my birthday :) And then that night, we bought a small cake and put 21 candles in it and cut it in 4 pieces. Brit's piece ended up ground into my pores. Check Daves smug for those pictures. It was a fun way to spend a birthday!

Upon leaving Portland, we returned to Seattle for our flight home. We had THE BEST 3 hour layover in LA. His sister and her boyfriend and his best friend came and picked us up, we went to dinner and then walked on the beach for 20 minutes. Then we came home....

It was amazing to spend 4 straight days with him in an unfamiliar city. To see how freaking well he took care of me, on so many different levels; and to see us work through situations and make decisions together. Getting to hug him and hold his hand for 4 straight days is such an unmatched, wonderful thing. I feel like my love for him deepened by almost 100%. He's going to make a great husband.
Now I'm off to VEGAS!!! Girls only trip. 21st birthday/about to get married trip. I can't wait!

I think he likes me

2006-06-26T15:17:00.000-06:00

Engagment photos are in!

Well, all of them turn out to be red x's when I try to add them. Is it because they're copyrighted? Does anyone know? If you want to see them, email me and I'll send you the link! (If you don't have my email, ask Brinnie!)

Happy Happy Birthday ba-by

2006-06-25T12:17:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday to the greatest man I know!!!

I'm visiting him for his birthday. Today I have one of the worst stomach aches yet. Have only thrown up once though, lets hope it's the only time. Yay for ruining the day! Here's to hoping it's better in time to take him to Chuck e Cheese tonight!!!!

you're just the best i ever had

2006-06-20T17:40:00.000-06:00

We took engagement pictures yesterday. We told her we wanted a lot of captured stuff, and candid things instead of just a bunch of posed shots. Well, we posed for about 10 pictures and then she said she had over 200 shots on her camera. She's good!! We didn't even realize she was doing it. I can't WAIT to see them!!!

We got our first wedding card yesterday! It's from a relative that he's never met, but she sounds really nice. She lives in Boston and has something to do with his grandma Helen. His mom knows her and she sent us a letter in the card that said that she has pictures of Tony and his siblings. I thought that was funny :). She sent us a nice card, check, and letter. So sweet! The card had 2 little hearts on it and she wrote our names in the hearts. So cute! I'd like to meet her someday.

I changed the worst diaper of my life yesterday. I also don't think that it will ever get any worse. I think that all blow-outs and diarrhea's, and whatever else life throws at me will be small and weak in comparison!

Last night on our way home, he stopped and bought me a full tank of gas. He's amazing... I'm not sure I could be any more in love with him. Saying goodbye this morning was really painful- one of the worst so far. It just seems so unfair! You have a great time with this person for a day and half and you're finally complete and then he gets wripped away from you, leaving you standing there incomplete again and unable to reconnect for 6 more days. It's awful.. I can't wait for it to be done.

you make me wanna be brave

2006-06-16T22:37:00.000-06:00

Last night I drove back up to my old town and had dinner with Mary. After dinner went and stayed with another friend and 2 other of my favorite girls came to visit us. It was refreshing... I miss them! Also had my favorite ice cream!!

This morning I drove up to my new school for orientation. After 8 hours I understand the campus, have a student ID, and have a class schedule. It's a wonderful feeling. This planning a wedding thing has really taught me that things need to get done NOW. They can't wait until later because later there's something else that will need done.
I'm taking 4 classes- 2 of them are online. I refused any night classes. This hopefully means that I will have ample time to enjoy being a newlywed. I'm really excited to take my classes and be in school. It's a freeing feeling and I love it. I really like the campus and can't wait to start classes. I'm taking one called infant/toddler theory/practice that I'm paticularly excited for. I picked it out of the list as a must. I don't have monday classes which mainly means that when we get back from our honeymoon on sunday, I won't have to start school the very next day, which is excellent news.

In other news- my family is still screwed up. I won't go into detail (because I dont want to have to think about it), but my grandma is going into assisted living when she gets out of the hospital. Which should be in another week or so. We'll see. Oh and my other grandma apparently has a mass in her stomach. It's a membrane coverering her intestine and they don't know what it is.... so pray for her, please. My parents are still waiting for the break they were supposed to get when their youngest child graduated :)

oh, and my boobs look amazing in this shirt

summer time... busy time

2006-06-13T17:29:00.000-06:00

We were mentioned in church on Sunday.. the pastor says "I love watching this couple over here- they're about to get married, and they're so happy! Life is full of bliss for them" :)

I think the best part of planning so far has been getting RSVP cards back! I get about 2 a day- so far, 9 people will be there!! Only 2 have said no, because they live in Oregon.

So you sailed away...

2006-06-10T13:43:00.000-06:00

I just saw a website where they're counting down to the day that Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie turns 18. There's 17 years and 11 months left. At least the Mary-Kate/Ashley countown website didn't start until they were 16 or 17. I figure that 2 positives will make a negative and the kid will end up being really ugly. Or end up being friends with Suri Cruise-Holmes (is that her last name?) and both end up really screwed up- kind of in Paris/Nicole fashion but even worse.

you can't choose your family, so choose your friends wisely

2006-06-07T22:35:00.000-06:00

So, my grandma is having surgery on friday morning for her neck. It's a 5 hour surgery to fuse her neck together. I'm scared to death for some reason.

In a lot of ways, though, this 2 weeks in the hospital has been so amazing for her. Before it happened, she was bitter, depressed, and slept all day (and never felt good). She's hyper-active by nature so her doctor had her on tranquilizers and God knows what else to calm her down. It was depressing her in the process. Just like ritalin for kids (don't get me started...). When you're in the hospital they don't let you take all your normal meds, so she hasn't been on all that crap for 2 weeks. It's amazing what a transformation that's been happening! She's upbeat, happy, hopeful, excited, looking forward to the future, and really hyper (i'm more than okay with that). Before, if you went to lunch with her, it was hard to get a positive thing out of her. Now she'll talk your ear off for an hour straight about all sorts of things. damn medication.

Here's the other part of it: It's come to our attention how inhumane their house is. We knew it was messy so we never went in. I'll spare you the details, because I might have nightmares and I don't want anyone else to unfairly get them too. I'll just let you in on the fact that their sewer doesn't work so they've been using a bucket (I dont want to know any more than that), and that's just the start of things.
My dad had a big plan to move them out of the house and into a little apartment (they already own it, it's a rental property). She needs home hospice care and they could recieve it that way (the house certainly wouldn't allow for that!!!). Well, my grandpa has turned into the bitter old man that's he's always been and refuses to move. He says he'll "clean up" and he'll take care of her. Yeah, right. The house needs more than a "cleaning" and he doesn't care enough to take care of her. He's part of the reason she was depressed.

Is it wrong to have ill-will towards your grandfather? I'm really struggling with it. I want to love him as my grandparent but at the same time I'm struggling with anger issues. really bad ones. I want to see my grandma stay happy, I want to keep this one- not revert back to the old one. Why does he want to keep her in that situation? Without the proper care that she needs? And he took all her hopes and excitement and dashed them. Berated her and dashed her, just like he always has. I really want to see her in assisted living. I know that my grandpa won't care for her, and assisted living is wonderful. That's what I really want for her- but he won't allow it. Oh, and he also says he'll fix the sewer in the next week. Yeah....... an 85 year old man, out in the 95 degree weather with no experience, fixing the sewer in 1 week. Okay.

Bah! I'm just so frustrated and upset and I want to do everything I can for her like she's done for me for 21 years, but what can I do?? My dad talked to my grandpa for several hours and got no where. He'll die if he continues to live there and be that unhealthy but I guess he doesn't see it that way, and doens't care that it isn't right for her to be there.

Anyways.... that's me.. take it or leave it. But either way, please pray.

June 7

2006-06-07T21:46:00.000-06:00

I wore a tank top to work today... in the shower tonight I realized my underarm hair was a lot longer than I thought it was :-/

We're watching a show about things lodged in human bodies- a guy told his drunk friend that he was going to swallow his key so that he wouldn't drive home... and then accidently did. They took the x-ray to a locksmith and the guy cut an exact match to the key. Crazy eh?

Invite day!

2006-06-04T12:35:00.000-06:00

We successfully finished the invites yesterday... After 7 hours and 2 trips into town!
We ran out of ribbon twice (who knew it would take THAT much??), and return address labels once. We had materials made for 160 of them even though I only needed 140, and I had 150 return address labels. My mother-in-law brought me 20 new names (that's what I get for asking Tony for a list, and not her!) so we had enough materials, thankfully. Praise God for that nudge to made 160 of everything.

I had 4 amazing ladies here, helping me. My 2 moms and 2 of my friends are the greatest people I could ask for! They had such good ideas and never got tired of tying 160 little bows. They never complained and were just wonderful! We had a fun time. Our 7 hours of hard work saved us about $150 so I think it was worth it.

and.... THEY'RE DONE!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!! Now the RSVP count begins! I can't wait to get the first one back!

2 months, 11 days

2006-06-01T21:18:00.000-06:00

We registered for gifts yesterday and today. It was so fun! Like a big, free, shopping spree. Took a lot of research and organization, but it was fun. I hope people buy us the stuff! :)

Saturday is invite making day. I've been stressing way too much about the invites. Every little step of it seems to be going wrong. But right now it looks like they're all set and ready to make. Hopefully the assembly process goes well.

My diamond is sparkling a lot right now. With every key I hit with my left hand. I love it :)

My week off is about to end- I start my new job on Monday. Babies and toddlers! I can't wait! I'm not going to make anywhere close to what I'm worth, but oh well. God got me the job, He'll explain it to me later, right?

round and round she goes

2006-05-28T23:24:00.000-06:00

when she stops? nobody knows...

My brother graduated yesterday. It was an amazing, happy day. My mom and I both cried (don't tell him ;) ). The only sad part was that my camera decided it hated me. I would zoom in on him and start to take a picture and it would zoom back out and then shut off (reminded me of a defiant 2 year old). Luckily it was great-uncle to the rescue! He gave me the card from his camera to download his pictures onto my computer. He got some great pictures- probably better than I would have, anyway. Those pictures are to come....

While there, I saw 2 good friends of mine from high school. One is my age, I dated him for a brief time but was friends with him all 4 years. He has a little boy that's almost 2 now. And the other guy I saw actually should have graduated today. He had a baby 2 years ago and dropped out a few months ago. Crazy and sad. Makes me feel better about only being engaged right now.

We had a party today for him. Somewhere in the region of 60-70 people were here. It was crazy but so fun! My parents promised him months ago that if he graduated, they'd get him a keg. They bought him a mini-keg and itty-bitty cups to go with it :) He conned them into regular size cups and I think they got about 16 1/2 cups out of it. Not too bad!

In other news, I ended up taking a job here at a daycare. (yay!) It's a great position and I can't wait to start. I hope I enjoy it as much as I think I will. Brinnie: Thank you so much!! Thank you for thinking of me, and it took a ton of stress off of me. Thanks!

I know it seems weird that I saved this to the end, but my mind is running in a million directions. My grandma fell on thursday night and hit her head on the door frame. She broke her neck and cracked her head. She was in ICU for a day but in a regular room now. She has several hairline fractures in her neck. She's in a traction halo thing and has to be for 4 weeks. In 4-6 weeks they're going to do surgery. She's completely awake and with it, and no paralysis at all. She hates that she really can't eat much, and her room is really boring. It's a dull off-white color with no decorations. Pray for her, that her spirits stay up. She needs lots of that.

I have to get my invites ready to be printed tomorrow, so I'm out for now.

love it

2006-05-25T11:27:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I was going to update FINALLY but i realized i have to leave really soon :(

Here's the quick rundown:

I've been offered 3 jobs (including the camp job) without having to fill out any more apps!!! yay!!! God is Good.
I still don't know what I'm going to do yet.

I'm all moved. finally. but nothing is put away, so i live in chaos for the moment. My brother is graduating in 2 days so we're getting ready for the big party.

and now I have to leave... but I hope everyone is doing great!!!

to camp or not to camp

2006-05-18T10:17:00.000-06:00

Tony's camp just offered me another job for the summer. This one is more flexible than the last, and they REALLY want me to do it. I don't want to. I'm not excited for it- I'm not excited to live here, not excited to do the job, not excited to not have a gym membership or really anything nearby. Bah. I think that I should, because I have nothing else offered. But I dont want to. We'll see. Any suggestions?

not a fan

2006-05-17T11:45:00.000-06:00

Last night I had the headache of all mother headaches. The worst of my life!
I have a really tense, un-aligned neck and I frequently get headaches from it, so it started out as one of those and I figured if we went home and relaxed it would go away, just like always. Ohhh no!
We watched American Idol and throughout the show, it just got worse and worse and worse. I was in tears by the end from how bad it was. He decided we should lay down and get it to go away. Bad idea. I layed down for awhile, tears in a consistent stream. Got up to get kleenex and almost fell right back down. Walked the 5 steps to the bathroom, blew my nose, and then tried to walk back and fell down again on the floor. I couldn't walk, couldn't stand and was SO dizzy. He had no idea what to do and I didn't know what to tell him. So we drove down the road (because we don't get long distance service from the house or cell phone service at all... yes, it is the boonies) and called my parents to see what they suggested. My moms suggestion was that I needed to load up on drugs and see a doctor. I don't have health insurance, so we headed back up the road to the camp nurse.
Basically, the verdict is that I'm stressed to death. The stress tightened my neck which is already a land mime just waiting to go off- my neck made everything else tight- which gave me a headache- and then I drove up to high altitude- and then it just spiraled from there- my body freaked out because it was in so much pain and thus lowered my blood pressure significantly- which made me dizzy.
I didn't think I was stressed~ I'm not even in school right now! But as I've thought about it today, I guess I am. I have a lot going on. Moving, trying to find a summer job, ALL OF the wedding stuff, trying to schedule our engagement session, trying to have enough of Tony to register for gifts (plus he hates shopping) and get that done before we do invites, doing invites, getting our tickets to go to Portland this summer, and getting our honeymoon booked. Not to mention I haven't heard anything from my new school about registering or orientation so I'm afraid I've missed it all. Stupid, I know.
Tickets for Portland and the honeymoon are both Tony's department, but as much as I love that man, he procrastinates way too much. Which is why we don't have a honeymoon booked yet. I'm worried that everything will be booked already (Being the height of tourist season!) and we will end up with a hotel with spiders and crappy town with no beach and not much else either. I'm trying to respect him and not nag, so I guess I just bottle it up as underlying stress.

life or something like it

2006-05-16T10:57:00.000-06:00

I find myself without internet or TV at my house. I thought it would be okay, but it's really quiet and kind of boring now. Good thing I still have a radio!
So, I sit at the library. So far in the 10 minutes that I've been here, 2 cell phones have gone off, just in this little computer area.

Last week I said goodbye to my job. It was bittersweet- mostly bitter. I'll miss the kids A LOT and the good majority of my co-workers were wonderful, and I'll miss them too. As I left on friday (after my pizza party and lots of goodbyes), I felt at peace and sad but at peace because I know I'm moving on to the next step of my life. Today, though, it's a little different. I found out that I didn't get the job I thought I was sure to be moving in to. They're already staffed. I'm angry- I think it's their loss! (lol). But mostly my day is just going down hill after that news. What am I going to do now??? I will spend the next few weeks desperately and depressingly applying for random jobs. I HATE APPLYING FOR JOBS. The whole hiring process is based on who you know, and what in you have. When you show up and fill out an app with no previous in- it doesn't matter how qualified you are- you won't get a call back. I've done this process since I was 17. I hate it. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm regretting my decision to leave this town. I had a perfectly good full-time job offered to me and I turned it down to move away. Ok, God, what's up your sleeve this time?

Today is a farewell lunch with the 3 wonderful girls in this town and then I will spend the next 3 days with Tony (hopefully not stressing out the whole time), and then it's moving day on Saturday! Yippee!

My Jesus

2006-05-11T19:26:00.000-06:00

I'm in love with this song. The lyrics are amazing- so straight forward.

My Jesus- Todd Agnew

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

GRRR!!

2006-05-10T21:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this is going to lay it all out in the open that I'm lame and completely addicted to a reality show but here goes: I'm SO ANGRY at what just happened on American Idol. My absolute favorite and most favorite out of all 4 seasons just got voted off. It's down to the bottom 4 and yes he has the most talent and best personality- he's such a wonderful person!- of them all. Everyone was shocked... I have no idea how it happened but it pisses me off! Everyone thought he would win and he's just amazing and made me cry a few times with his voice and he got voted off. Makes me angry. Yes, I'm lame.

engaged fun

2006-05-09T22:50:00.000-06:00

I bought Tony's wedding ring today. It was so exciting! He LOVES it. (It's not the one he previously picked out, it's completely different). He's so excited about it, and kept picking it up and putting it on whenever he could. It was so weird to see him in a wedding ring and I can't wait to put it on his finger for life! I love seeing men wearing their wedding rings and it hit me today that pretty soon a man I'M married to will be one of them! It's so weird, and so exciting. It looks great on him and I love how excited he is to wear it. It won't be in for 4 weeks and then I'll get it engraved. (And then it will sit in my dresser drawer until the time comes!)

I'm not sure how much longer I can take this distance thing. It's really starting to wear on me. It's like the suspense builds and then I finally get to see him and it's SO great, but then he leaves the next day. It's starting to break me down and I'm so glad the light at the end of the tunnel is near.

May 7

2006-05-07T21:35:00.000-06:00

I had such a wonderful day! Full of things, but good. Yesterday I went to the big city for my friends birthday. I had planned to spend half of saturday and half of sunday with her, spending the night with her. Well, she got sick and I had to leave, so I sporadically made a trip to my in-laws house to spend the night because I was supposed to meet Tony there on Sunday afternoon. Went to church, which was good, bummed around town and then FINALLY met up with Tony, which was SO good. I had a breakdown on sat. night because I've been missing him so much. I felt so alone and just hurt all over from missing him. I know if you've never been in the long-distance situation that that feeling is hard to understand, but it's so real. I've heard it all over the place. I can't wait for the next 3 months to be over so I never have to feel it again! Anyways, so, I spent 2 hours with him and then had to come home. Had a staff meeting. An all YMCA staff meeting- over 150 employees just for our branch! I had no idea. It was a lame meeting though, but at least I got paid for it. The only thing I learned was that our branch was selected as one of 9 out of about 900 for a special program (it's an honor, apparently), and that we see 6500 kids a month, and have over 22,000 members at our branch alone. Isn't that crazy? Afterwards went for ice cream with my 4 friends from work. Those girls are wonderful!! They're what I've been praying for for the past year! God is strange sometimes- brings them just when I'm about to leave! I guess He just wanted to remind me of His faithfulness for when I move on to the next thing. They're such great girls and I'm going to miss them so much!!! We've been making plans to still hang out after I move and we'll have an extra bedroom so they can all (individually) come up and stay with us. I hope that happens.

In other news, today is our year and a half anniversary!!! We're celebrating tomorrow night- I think I'll wear a cute skirt :)

Bleh

2006-05-03T21:34:00.000-06:00

I've been so grumpy lately... and I have no idea why

summer lovin, had me a blast

2006-04-29T20:52:00.000-06:00

Today I applied for the same job that I hated last summer. It's at a different branch, so I'm hoping that it will go better and that I will enjoy it for 2 months. Pray that I get it!!!!!!

butter obsession

2006-04-27T22:35:00.000-06:00

I'm almost to the bottom of an entire bag of popcorn

and I'm grumpy.

I have a 13 hour work day ahead of me... yuck.

2006-04-27T01:29:00.000-06:00

God is amazing, and I'm blessed like mad!

Yuck

2006-04-23T23:24:00.000-06:00

Ok, so first off- my roommates fiance is home. (The one that got hit by a bomb). He's going to lose one eye, but otherwise he's doing really well. His spirits are up, he acts just like the guy that left a few months ago. PRAISE GOD for that! Thank you for all of your prayers concerning him! Now that he's home, they're planning a Jan. 07 wedding, so yay for them!

Alright, so, I come home from the weekend away and find body chocolate in our fridge. It's certainly not ours, and our other roommate doesn't have use for it. I almost wish I was curious about whose it was. Disturbing on SO many levels.

Hap-Hap-Happy Birfday!

2006-04-21T20:37:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Brown!!!!!!

eighteen, it's amazing. I can't believe it! And even though he's a foot taller than me, he's still my little brother!!!

Where's my big handsome man when I need him?

2006-04-20T13:17:00.000-06:00

I'm sick today. Throwing up is a terrible way to wake up. I'll spare you the gorey details, but it's much worse than stomach flu ever was- I've had that twice. I don't know what caused it, but it's sure crappy. Luckily it chose a day that I only have to work 3 hours in the afternoon. I'm still constemplating work even though I'm too weak to move right now. In 2 hours I should be ok enough, right? Bleh. It's just so hard to call in sick and everyone hates you (really hates you, and talks about you all night)

In other news: Go visit Mary and welcome her to the blogging world! She's one of my bridesmaids and my biggest support right now (behind tony of course). She's wonderful, so go visit her!

Happy Birthday!!!

2006-04-19T18:13:00.000-06:00

My friend Bill and his wife Linda had their first baby boy on Saturday. Garrett Andrew was born at about 12:30. He was breached and huge, so she had a c-section about a week and a half early. He's beautiful. blue eyes, lots of brown hair. Bill is the happiest (can we say permanent smile) and bestest daddy ever and will be the bestest daddy ever for the rest of the kids' life. YAY!!! Congrats Bill and Linda!!

Today I really miss him

2006-04-18T22:43:00.000-06:00

Today we had our second counseling session. Well, first real session.
I left fealing enlightened and amazed by our officiant. He's only a little older than 30 and possesses incredible knowledge. It feels like you're just hanging out with him and having a casual conversation and all the sudden you realize how many incredible things you've just been hit with. He's also quite real and doesn't live in the fantasy world that some Christians live in. He won't tell you that things should be a certain way and all you have to do is trust. He'll let you know straight up that he knows it's hard and theres no easy answer. (And then proceeds to give you a great answer). What an amazing man of God... but still so laid back.